after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How did I end up in the pool?!
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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