May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
