dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
