I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
