Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
