New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
