you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize