Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
