Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
