Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize