I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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