She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
