My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
