In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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