one two three fourrrrnication!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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