Having a random hookup so left but love u
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
