Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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