Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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