I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
