Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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