is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
