you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
