I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
