judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
