first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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