I just pynch a tree in the face
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
God I need to hump something, right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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