I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
