The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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