Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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