I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
