He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
