turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
