Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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