I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
