Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
