you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
