I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
