She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she peed on how many people?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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