Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
