I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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