My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
