She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
