No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize