No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
