It's Friday. Sex?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
