I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
