Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
MIDGETS
????
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
