he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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