Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
