Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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