you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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