somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
