So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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