I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
