around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
