The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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