he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
