thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
