I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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