my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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