I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
