woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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