ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
