Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The air taste purple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
