Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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