I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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