I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
