things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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