dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
