oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize